Blog #7

I told some of my best girls that I feel like I only write mopey stuff.  I'm so totally tortured or whatever.

This isn't going to be mopey although it might be a little challenging to write...

I like to be the boss.  I like answering to myself.  I like control.  Learning to give Jesus control is still a daily struggle for me even though I deeply believe His Way is better.

They say there are spenders and there are savers.  I am a spender. Big time. I've pretty much been employed since I was 18 and on my own a good chunk of that time.  So I've spent alot, for like a decade. Without caring about consequence until the last couple of years.  Even then, I despise budgeting.  And it ain't like I'm rolling in cash.  Hello, I'm a single working mom with a mortgage.  Not a huge mortgage, but still.

I like to be the one that pays the bill at dinner.  I like to be the one that has a gift for my girlfriend on her birthday.  I don't like for my kids to go without things.  The last couple of men I have dated have not been men that take finances or jobs seriously. I mean them no offense.  I like paying anyway, I certainly wasn't encouraging them to be responsible.  At least not seriously.

Because I like being the boss.  Oh man, do I like being the boss.

But.

I'm learning.

I was completely honest with Jeremiah a few months ago about my finances.  He sat down with me and helped me figure out a real budget.  On Google Docs.  (I have also learned I adore dating a geek.) That was very scary for me but also incredibly freeing.  He even told me he had expected much worse :)  And here is what I want to remember later, the whole point:

Jeremiah wanted to buy me a mini-spa day this weekend.  And let me tell you, these eyebrowz iz craaaa-zay.  Gracie really wants to do swim lessons and the last day to sign up is tomorrow and I can't really make it work at this point of the month.  I told my boyfriend this (Eeek! Scary!) earlier today. 

And he gave me money for both.  And then some.  I did not want to take it.  Not at all.  I pay for things.  I hand out money.  That is not me getting to be the boss, the provider.  Thats not only me but also my child being provided for.

He is such a lovely person.  I think that's an acceptable word for a man.  He has this beautiful heart and the kindest spirit.  And he wants to take care of me, and in so much more than just finances.  And I want to let him.  I think (I hope) I took the money graciously enough. 

Blog #6, finished.  And I am feeling grateful.

A lil something extra: I re-read this for spelling errors and I hope this didn't come off as money hungry... I just really like my boyfriend ;)