Blog #5

We are somewhere north of the Oregon border and I'm consumed with the feeling that we are never going to get home.  But I'm the grown up now, so I don't say it. We can leave that up to Nathanboy.

I had such a wonderful weekend.  It's so precious to watch my kids with my grandparents.  To see Nathan sitting in my Grandpa Jim's lap, watching him laugh at his jokes brings tears to my eyes.  When the majority of the table shuffles their seats so Gracie may sit by my Grandma Ida, it warms my heart and is only SLIGHTLY exasperating.

I know Melissa isn't my actual sister but I agree with my mom, she belongs as a part of our family.  Watching her jump and run and splash in the ocean in the gray, misty weather with my kids while I took pictures, I thanked God for the blessing she is in our lives.  So often, I feel more like a father to them.  Leader, financial provider, the last word in discipline.  I tell myself its okay to be exhausted after work, I am still nurturing enough.  But I'm not.  And my compassionate, patient friend stands in the gap.  She serves my little family and is helping me to raise my children.  I could never thank her enough or repay her.  Not that she would ask or expect it.  Everyone should be so blessed to have an Aunty Melissa, even if its undeserved.

I drove all of 45 minutes on the way up.  Thanks to a tricky speed trap in Medford and a less then amiable sheriff, I now have a $190 speeding ticket in my purse.  I pulled off at the next exit and threw quite the childish little tantrum... not in front of the kids at least.  Man, I'm glad Jeremiah loves me because when I angrily through the keys on the ground and stomped my foot, I looked and sounded about as mature as Nate.  And Mocha just rolled his eyes and picked up the keys and graciously accepted my mumbled apology a little while later.  It's been a long time since I have brought someone around my family, and even longer since its been someone they liked.  And they sure do like him.  My grandma smiles at him, Nate hugs him when nobody is looking and my sister and him have quite the hilarious shtick about music tastes.  Team Shannoodles on that one.... before my eyes, the man that wasn't interested in dating a woman with kids is becoming a man leading a family.

Oh Jesus, you give me more than my stubborn, hardened heart deserves.  I hope that somewhere in my actions this weekend You were glorified,  that You came through.

California border approaching and fifth blog complete.

Blog #4

I hate working out. Like HATE it. I despise sweating. I get incredibly red-faced and I sound like a hippo drowning in shallow water. Not awesome.

I'm reading a book called Crazy Love by Francis Chan. He asked the reader if we really believe that Jesus' way is better than our own. That may seem unrelated, but there is no denying that the way I treat my body is sinful. I have little self-control when it comes to eating and having gained alot of weight, I am very unhealthy. I use food as comfort rather than my Savior. I'm not able to hide behind "Oh, its just my post baby body." Right now, I weigh more than when I delivered Nate. He was almost 11 pounds and that was over 4 years ago. I didn't stick to Weight Watchers either time I signed up. I am unable to change on my own and my current health situation is getting out of control. Control. It keeps popping up... Who's in control of my life... a good question to ask. Better though, is to have a legit answer.

I started this blog because I am dissatisfied. I choose Jesus. I choose His Way. So, right now, for me, I choose working out.

Ugh.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NASB) Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.