Blog #3

I spent the long weekend with my little family in the woods.  Pampered
and provided for by Grandma.  It took me back to my own childhood, watching Gracie learn to paint the same way my sisters and I learned.  My son got to help build a burn pile, which is pretty exciting for a 4 year old city boy.  And in her infinite knowledge of small children, Aunty Melissa had the foresight to limit the number of pine cones returning to Manteca BEFORE they were collected.

I needed a break, I needed a change in scenery.  I needed to clear my head and calm my emotions.  I needed to hear Jesus and be refreshed for everyday life.  I think that happened.

I had dinner with Jeremiah last night.  My sweet friend and her husband prayed diligently for us through our meal.  We talked and talked and talked and talked and talked... and not just me.  For once. ;)  And not just two each other.  We prayed.  Earnest, heartfelt, recognizing God for who He is prayer. 

No more flip-flopping.

I love Jesus.
I love my children.
I love my Melissa.
I love my dear friends.
I love the Body I am a part of.
And I love Jeremiah.

God has a plan.  We know we must follow it.  We are united and we are ready.

Third blog, over.

Blog #2

It's my blog and I'll cry if I want to....

When any type of relationship ends or closes in my life, regardless of the level of drama (which I def bring) I tend to think of things in term of "who's fault?". I typically blame myself for lots of things.  For being high maintenance.  For being unnecessarily sarcastic.  For being too emotional.  Too dramatic.  Too needy.  Too demanding.  Too selfish... and so on.

I'm not going to do that today.  I'm just going to be sad. Sad about broken trust.  Sad about deal breakers. Sad about an evaporated future. Sad about loss and emptiness.  Sad about the collateral damage. Sad about sin and selfish choices.

But I won't be this sad forever.  Jesus still has a plan.  All good things come from the Father of heavenly lights.  And no matter how heartsick I feel, that is still true.

Second blog, finished.

Blog #1

I fell asleep last night with Judgment Day on my mind. It was just before midnight and I laughing to myself about waking up in the morning, still here, still living and how everyone else would be too.

But I was not laughing when I woke up this morning. I was not giggly. I didn't feel like posting a funny reference on Facebook about being confused about what time the Rapture must be taking place. And I post OFTEN on good ol' FB.

I like to think of myself as witty/clever/funny/humorous. That isn't how I'm feeling at all. I woke up weighed down, burdened even. I started to cry on my way downstairs. I cried as I decided to start blogging, sitting in my rocking chair and I cried harder when trying to explain my tears to a rather bewildered Melissa. I'm starting to cry again. Because while I will be glad in The Bible once again proved being true - nobody knows when He is returning, Matthew 24:36 - there are thousands of people that will be disappointed, confused and hopeless when Jesus doesn't return for them today. And that isn't something to make light of. That isn't something I can feel superior about because I know The Truth. I'm pretty sure Jesus does not think that is funny or silly or something that doesn't need to be taken seriously and as His follower, I should want to to respond like Him.

So I'm going to be careful today and not poke fun. Not make a joke at the expense of someone else's lost hope. I don't want to be a jerk, I've already wasted enough time not being the woman Jesus intends me to be. So instead, I'm going to pray for the people misled and let down. I'm going to ask God to show them His truth, who He really is. I'm going to thank Him for the people that have spoken truth into my life, for His Word that is irrefutable and ask for His guidance and help to look more like him.

First grown up blog. Done.